Is online dating worth it? (2023)

The search for love in the digital age is pretty daunting. If you've heard stories from your friends about their bad dates, it's reasonable to reach out to them.dating appscarefully. but the sameon line datingIt might encourage some weirdly bad experiences, but there are also a lot of benefits. Many of us know couples who are so perfect that it's almost impossible to believe they met on opposite sides of a screen.

When it comes down to it, does online dating really work? While you might worry that it's not a good idea (or even a waste of time), like all love affairs, it has its pros and cons. We decided to take the issue to a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship professional.Lisa-Marie Bobby, Ph.D., on the growth of self-advice and coaching.

Dating apps can lead to superficiality and ghosting, but they also have many positive aspects. "Although online dating has some disadvantages compared to dating in real life, the volume of opportunities is much greater," says Bobby. “It increases the chances ofmeet someoneare you really compatible with ".

So let's get over our fears and put the internet to the test. Keep reading for expert advice on how online dating really works.

What the research says about dating apps

Research shows that online dating is on the rise. A Pew Research Center study conducted in October 2019 found that 30% of Americans have used online dating, up from just 11% in 2013.Of these, 12 percent haveto marryor were in a serious relationship with someone they met through online dating, a notable increase from just 3% in 2013.

Online dating seems to be a convenient way for most people to meet. According to the study, around 60 percent of participants had positive experiences with dating platforms. Many people are able to find romantic partners online, whether they are looking for something casual or long term. Overall, most participants found it relatively easy to find potentially compatible partners in terms of those they found attractive or with whom they shared hobbies and interests.

However, research shows that online dating has negative side effects, especially for young women. According to the survey, 60 percent of women aged 18 to 34 say someone on a dating app or site continued to contact them after they said they weren't interested, while roughly the same percentage of women in that age group said who had not solicited sex using explicit images or messages.

Bobby says that the reason for many of the negative aspects of online dating could be the lack of what she calls a "common community". "Going online through online dating is much more like meeting a virtual stranger and having to make meaningful connections with little real-world experience," he says. "Furthermore, the lack of community or shared relationships makes it easier to be ghostly or reckless without worrying about the consequences to your reputation or well-being in your community."

How to make the most of online dating

Before downloading an app or two and creating your profile, Bobby recommends doing a little soul-searching. The last thing you want to do is hang out with people online, strike up a conversation, and realize you have no idea what you want in a partner or relationship.

"Spend time and energy realizing who you are and what you really want in a relationship and thinking about who your ideal partner is," says Bobby. "Also think about what your ideal partner is looking for in a potential partner and how you can authentically connect with them."

It's also important to do some research on the app you're planning to download and how it works. Then spend some time and energy on your profile. Choose images and messages that show who you are, what you like and how you present yourself to the world. If it's clear that you haven't put any thought or effort into your profile, potential partners might assume that you'll take the same approach in a relationship.

Once you've created your profile, don't expect to find "the right person" right away and be prepared to spend a lot of time looking for potential partners. But since we don't have all the time in the world to steal, it's crucial to have a system in place for weeding out those you can't stand. "Develop a process that helps you cut through the confusion and find out who someone really is as quickly as possible," she says. "A five-minute phone call usually tells you everything you need to know."

What to Avoid When Using Dating Apps

Chances are if you've been involved in online dating, you have some bad dating stories. Often, the cause of these negative experiences is that your expectations do not correspond to reality. Bobby says that while online dating does require some "marketing savvy" and the ability to essentially sell yourself online, you shouldn't sacrifice truth to look what you deem "best."

"Never misrepresent yourself or try to make yourself look like something you're not," she says. "You can have interactions online, but they quickly fade if you're different from what your potential partner expected." will not like or accept on your profile. Be authentic and you will attract people with similar values.

On the other hand, avoid falling victim to someone you suspect is fraudulent in their profile when you realize this.red flags. Not everyone has social networks or updates them regularly, but most people who do will be happy to share their profiles with you if asked. And most of the time, if someone is genuinely interested, they'll call or video chat with you before the meeting, even if they feel a little awkward. Going on a "cold" date with someone you're not sure about can end up being a waste of time and a disappointment.

Finally, if you're going to get that date or that first date, it's important that you and your potential partner feel some chemistry, but don't rely entirely on it. "When evaluating potential partners, don't make the mistake of putting 'chemistry' before character," says Bobby. Too much wit and charm can send butterflies in your stomach, but it can also be a sign that the person is a "player" or even a narcissist.

How likely are you to find "The One" online?

Ahealthy relationshipIt's totally possible whether you're meeting people in person or online, but the two methods differ for a number of reasons. The fact is, there are positives to meeting IRL. When two people meet naturally, it's probably because they already have something in common, like friends or hobbies. "That natural convergence of circumstances, relationships or interests is a force for a new relationship," says Bobby. "They offer a potential partner more opportunities for authentic connection, as well as more social pressure to treat each other decently, even if they don't make a good match in the end."

But that doesn't mean that online dating can't be just as successful. Since everyone is available on a dating site (presumably), you have plenty of opportunities to introduce yourself and find a good match. If you attend social events where you are likely to meet new people, the number of singles looking will be much smaller than on a dating app or site where everyone is in the same boat as you.

"Singles looking for a relationship are looking for connections online," says Bobby. "This reality means there's a high chance of finding 'the one' because they're in the same place and looking for you too!" Being upfront about what you want further increases your chances of finding a good match.

Regardless of your intentions, there seems to be something for everyone when it comes to online dating, just be clear about your expectations. Embrace new experiences, learn a little about yourself, and don't forget to have fun. You might even find your dream partner.